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Re: Joke of the day:)


My wonderfull wife E-mailed me this oneemoticon

Obedient Wife > > There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his > money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. > Just before he died, he said to his wife, > "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put > it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with > me." > > And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he > died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. > > Well, he died. > > He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in > black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the > ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the >wife said, > "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box > and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and > > they rolled it away. > > So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all > that money in there with your husband." > > The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my > word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket > with him." > > "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?" > > "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my > account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it." >
_________________
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2/24/2005, 12:20 am Link to this post Send Email to LottomagicZ4941   Send PM to LottomagicZ4941
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."

found on

http://com4.runboard.com/bsuicideclubnotreally.ffunandgames.t2


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Re: Joke of the day:)


All A Girl Wants:



You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make! The right
advise at a young age, what all girls need !

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of
life is four little animals."

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar ?

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in

the bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it."



 The teacher fainted.



Jennifer

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3/12/2005, 1:25 am Link to this post Send PM to PinkBear Blog
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


Hello Lotto,
I haven't seen you on Rany On for a few days, I do hope you are well, and everything is fine .




Just More Blonde Jokes


Did you hear about the two blondes
who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the winter,"
          ***************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that 1 out of every 4 children
born in the world was Chinese.
       *************************
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night
with the tip of her index finger shot off.

How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

What?" sputtered the doctor.
You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

No, Silly!" the blonde said.
First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought:
I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants,
I'm not shooting myself in the chest"

So then?" asked the doctor.

Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought:
I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straighten I'm not shooting myself in he mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought:
This is going to make aloud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the
trigger."
          *****************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage,
and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators
for over four hours.
          *****************

A blonde was driving home after a game
and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents,
so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde,
so he decided to have some fun
He told her just to go home and
blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into the tailpipe.

Nothing happened.

So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her
roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said,
Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first."
           ****************

Jennifer




 emoticon

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3/18/2005, 5:38 am Link to this post Send PM to PinkBear Blog
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


Slept most of the day. Probably do that agian tomarrow. Kind of down on YTCA? newest anouncementemoticon

Guess today is the day for Blond Jokes

She must be a blonde?

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams
in agony.

She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and
screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

found on
http://workathomenetwork.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=3847&st=0&#entry9098

Person posting these claimed they could because they were blond.

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:
,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-
_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:
_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:
_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:
_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:
_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
Ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
found on
http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4125

Lotto
http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/s.cgi?welcome-344
MagicZ4941



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3/18/2005, 8:30 am Link to this post Send Email to LottomagicZ4941   Send PM to LottomagicZ4941
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


Hi Lotto,

I'm sorry you are feeling down, but I would like to leave this for you, I read it often on my blue days. emoticon

***** Don't let today's disappointments
cast a shadow on tomorrow's dreams *****


I hope it helps a little emoticon


Jennifer

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3/18/2005, 10:36 am Link to this post Send PM to PinkBear Blog
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


Thanks for the chear up. And they did have retoric about a new beginning. It is just sad how much medocure stuff gets promoted. It would be nice to see You Call That Art? get the attention that they deserve. As AC?DC bellowed it is a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. And Gillian has bellowed the highs wouldn't be so high if the lows wern't so low. Well don't want to get to serious in the joke threademoticon

I'll runboard again unless the server disapearsemoticon

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3/19/2005, 4:17 am Link to this post Send Email to LottomagicZ4941   Send PM to LottomagicZ4941
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


A dumb blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"OH, NO!" exclaimed the blonde.

But Saint Peter said not to worry, because he would make it an easy test. "Who was God's son?" asked Saint Peter.

The dumb blonde thought for a few minutes and replied, "Andy."

"Andy? That's interesting. What made you say that?" inquired Saint Peter.

Then the blonde started to sing, "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me..."
found on
http://www.lotto649.ws/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3918&perpage=15&pagenumber=3


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3/21/2005, 11:30 am Link to this post Send Email to LottomagicZ4941   Send PM to LottomagicZ4941
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son, Johnny, comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.


The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that Johnny is in there already.


Johnny says, "Dark in here."


The man says, "Yes, it is."


"I have a baseball," says Johnny.


"That's nice," the man says.


"Want to buy it?" asks Johnny.


"No, thanks."


"My dad's outside," says Johnny.


"OK, how much?" asks the man.


"$150."


"Sold," says the man.


In the next few weeks, it happens again that Johnny and the lover are in the closet together.


"Dark in here," begins Johnny.


"Yes, it is," says the man.


"I have a Wilson fielders glove."


The lover, remembering the last time, asks Johnny, "How much?"


"$350," replies Johnny.


"Highway robbery. Sold," says the man.


A few days later, the father says to Johnny, "Grab your ball and glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.


"I can't, I sold my ball and my glove," says Johnny.


The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"


"$500," Johnny replies.


"That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that," says his father. "That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."


They go to the church and the father makes Johnny sit in the confessional and closes the door.


"Dark in here," begins Johnny.


"Don't start that **** again, you're in my closet now," says the priest.

found on http://www.cyclingforums.com/t239651-johnny.html


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5/7/2005, 3:17 pm Link to this post Send Email to LottomagicZ4941   Send PM to LottomagicZ4941
 
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Re: Joke of the day:)


> A sign posted in a car dealership read:
>
> If you want to get back on your feet,
>
> miss a car payment.

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